HAVE A LAUGH: LEGAL STYLE

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am
I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset
you?
WITNESS: My name is
Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:
Gucci sweats and
Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie
there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does
it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY:
You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY:
Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You
do?
WITNESS: Yes,
voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did
you actually pass the bar
exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY:
The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your
IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are
you shitting
me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing
at that time?
WITNESS: getting
laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
She had three children, right?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS:
None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS: Your
Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By
death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?
WITNESS: Take a
guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium
height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a
female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with
male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I
dress when I go to
work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much
of a
fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS:
Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:
The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton
was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I
finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you
qualified to ask that
question?
______________________________________

And
the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for
breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is
possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so
sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible
that he could have been alive and practicing
law.

BISTRO TO HOST ROMEO ANNIVERSARY

Romeo's will have a second anniversary dinner on Saturday, March 21, 2009 at 6:00PM

Cost is $20. See Rex to make reservation.

Meal will be a buffet and will feature Roast Chicken Rosemary, and Shrimp Scampi on skewers

CASINO BUS ROLLS AGAIN

The Casino gang rode the bus again on Saturday (Feb 21) over to the East Coast for a fun filled day at the Seminole Casino.

The trip required us travelers to be "bright eyed and bushy tailed" by 8:00am - that's in the morning. This writer was inspired to be up that early and, with the help of one pit stop on the way, was ready to do my "old guy" thing: Play all their money, play a little of my money, check out the girls at the pool, and finally enjoy a late lunch.

By time 3:30 arrived some of us were ready to go home. Some of us had big smiles, while others were content to talk about the cheesecake that topped their day.

Win or lose this was another full day adventure that was thoroughly enjoyed.

KITCHEN DOORS - UPDATE

Pulte has decided to have our customer service representative come to each house, where the homeowner has advised there is a problem with the kitchen doors, to inspect them.

This is viewed as a positive, but not a commitment to take corrective action. Such a commitment is under consideration.

In order to help the customer service people, and yourself, it has been suggested that defective doors be marked for easier inspection, and that cooperation be extended to the customer service people.

CALI SAYS "THANKS A BUNCH"

My Lady friend is quite proud of the newest addition to her clan - Miss Cali. The kid is making regular visits to the neighborhood, and particularly enjoys her walk around the lake. She has made many new friends during her morning workout.

On a few occasions people would ask how she is doing and smile at her. Well this is how she is: She does three things. She Sleeps a lot. When awake she smiles a lot. The "third" thing she does you don't need to know about.

On one of her escapes Cali met a very nice lady who was impressed with that big smile, and the pointed stare of her little eyes. This lady promised to knit Cali a fine sweater to wear when she is out on a walk. It not only keeps her warm it tells the world that she is Cali, as her name is across the front.

Cali is very happy and proud of this wonderful gift. She acts like a model, and seems to never want to take it off. Her mommy loves it too. They both want to say a big Thank you to the V.W.Neighbor who cared enough to knit this sweater for Cali. Again Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Our neighbor, who specializes in knitting for kids, may be reached at:

jansknitsforkids@comcast.net

C.E.R.T. MEETING TONIGHT

Members of the Verona Walk CERT Team have a meeting tonight at 6:00pp at Town Center.

Community members who are not on the team are also invited to attend.

VALENTINA CT. CELEBRATES VALENTINES DAY

A Valentines Celebration was held on VALENTINA CT. on February 15Th. That's right, not the 14Th.

The gang celebrated traditional Valentine's Day with each other and family on the 14th. Then on Sunday the 15th they got together with neighbors and friends at the cul-de-sac.

There were great appetizers to pass around. The food was complimented with an excellent selection of drinks. Combined they ignited another good time among the first class neighbors who reside a premium street in our good community.

SWEETHEARTS DANCE

YES, it was Valentines Day, and another dance here at Town Center.

The Lady friend dragged V.W. Resident to the Club House to enjoy a meal of 'shrimp and steak' with other neighbors. There was even some fine wine, and a beer or two. It complimented the excellent meal provided by Southern Accents Caterers.

These Dances are magnets for bringing out friends from up the street, and around the block. We even met people who we didn't know until this dance.

On top of the food our gang was treated to good sounds including favorites from "yesteryear."

HEY "I WANT FACE TIME TOO"

This little guy was "The Baby" until a few weeks ago, and already he is jealous of his cousin Cali. His Mom, Dad and Grandma all have said get the kids picture up on that blog for friends and relatives to see.

Well here it is Conner. You are not forgotten. Glad to see you have a big smile for us. It must run in the family.

KITCHEN DOORS - UPDATE

A temporary solution for fixing the bubbles on the cabinet door fronts was submitted to us, and may be worth a try. The suggestion was to use an iron to smooth out the blistered area while also reactivating the old glue. A towel needs to be placed over the door before using hot iron.

On another front neighbors are starting a petition to get Pultes' attention. People simply want the builder to do the right thing and replace the defective doors. Reportedly there are close to one hundred signatures so far.

PROGRESS ON KITCHEN DOORS

Some home owners have been contacted by Customer Service and there seems to be a change in attitude by Pulte regarding the doors with blisters.

Owners will be contacted by local customer service to discuss Pultes present position. Hopefully this means the will replace the doors.

Owners who have not added their names to the list are encouraged to do so.

VERONA WALK LEADS COLLIER IN NEW HOME STARTS

Looking at economic news lately there were a couple of positives worth noting. Of course these observation were found using a very large spotlight and a magnifying glass.

First there was "positive" news that the foreclosure rate in Collier County seems to have slowed. The news article hints we may be at the bottom of a Bell Curve, and could see actual improvements in months ahead. Well the "hope" of long term improvement is good, but being at the bottom of the curve is "the pits." Long term improvement is just that: Long Term.

Second was a story about Housing starts being at a 10 year low. This too is "the pits" if one is looking for a better economic picture in Collier. Out of the bad one can find a positive. Our developer ranked number two in new housing starts for 2008 with 81.

No need to dwell on the negative. Look for a positive sign and smile.

CONCRETE ISSUES

A V.W. NEIGHBOR has reported a problem with cracks in the lanai. He states the crack is wider than those that many of us have experienced.

A major part of his problem is the lack of response from the builder.

Maybe this is a subject that the Board can review at the March meeting. In any event we wish him good luck pursuing this issue.

WEATHER REPORT - FROM JERSEY

Florida temperatures are bitter cold right now, but nothing like the weather up in Jersey.


The kid seems to enjoy the "white stuff." On top of playing in the snow she also thinks she really is the "Snow Princess."

I remember when I would enjoy the same thing, but now it's sweaters and actually using the heat. Well looking at Miss Catelyn also warms the heart.

SMOKE AND FIRE - PANCAKE BREAKFAST BENEFIT

Smoke and Fire Everywhere! Fireman on the scene. People running and making lots of noise.

Just what took place at Verona Walk on Saturday, February 7Th?

It wasn't a fire at all, except under the "old griddle" cooking up "cakes and sausages" for residents of this east Naples community that had a Pancake Breakfast Fund Raiser.

The turnout was excellent. Approximately two hundred people attended the event. From the noise they made it appears they had a great time. There were plenty of happy faces seen leaving the Town Center where the event was held.

The East Naples Fire Department was the beneficiary of this fundraiser. Also benefiting from the event were local students who will receive sneakers donated by those in attendance.

This was the second year that Verona Walk Residents had a pancake breakfast for a charitable cause. The combination of a good meal, and a worthy organization has shown itself to be a great event for neighbors to come together and do something positive for their community.

The group is already planning a sequel for 2010. Hats' off to Verona Walk and to the East Naples Fire Department. Job well done.

NEIGHBOR VISITS AFRICA

A V.W. Neighbor told me he and his wife made an exotic trip recently to the jungles of Africa! He said it was an exciting 10 days, on the continent, riding over dirt roads and heavy brush in a Hummer four wheel drive Safari Wagon.

My friend's wife gave me these pictures that she took with the help of the Safari Guide. He got her up real close to these animals for two beautiful shots. I am impressed, but I suspect that she used that telephoto lens on that new camera of hers.

It looks like they had a real good time, but I wonder if they are telling a tall tale about being in Africa. This looks like the sleepy tiger at Miami Zoo for one thing, and I note they didn't miss Bingo or Bowling. Whatever the truth is keep having good days guys.

KITCHEN DOORS

What is going on with the kitchen doors?. They looked great for a couple of years and then it's like they contracted chickenpox. First there are little bubbles. Later they grow into something much larger.

A quick check in the Home Owner's book gives the sad news. These doors have a warranty of One Year.

The same Home Owner's book also describes these doors as follows: "Your beautiful new cabinets are produced using top quality plastic laminate material. With just a little care they will provide you with many years of service."

The book doesn't say it, but "many years of service" equals just about two years of service before the pox strikes. At this point the doors look somewhat less than "beautiful," and the builder has turned a cold shoulder to the problem.

While recognizing the problem with the doors that were installed, our Builder has apparently danced away from any responsibility. They sing a wonderful song about manufacturer defects, sub contractors, and expired warranty. If you are looking at doors with bubbles in the finish this tune is not music to your ears.

On the other hand the builder has secured the name of a contractor who will replace the doors for residents at their expense. The recommended dealer is: "AAA Craftsman Home Improvement & Repair" - 772 201 0542. They may also be contacted by email at: aaacraftsman@bellsouth.net There are no adverse reports regarding this contractor; and, it must be remembered that, this company was not the original installer or in any way responsible for the defective doors that one may have.

The questions that remains are: 1) Are there other solutions to repair these doors rather than replacing them; and 2) Is there any real chance the builder will stand up and do something for the people who ultimately became owners of these defective doors ?

HODGES UNIVERSITY HOST VERONA WALK VOLUNTEERS AT CERT TRAININGG EXERCISE

On Saturday, Jan. 31 volunteers from Verona Walk traveled to Hodges University to attend a C.E.R.T. Training class. The session lasted from 9:00AM to Noon.

The instructors set up a 'mock' situation where our teams discussed and evaluated how they would respond to an overturned school bus. This is one situation for which nobody wants to ever respond.

The above pictures are offered as proof of attendance.

CALI'S GETTING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD

My Lady had a visitor yesterday. It was her daughter "LJ," and she had her brand new baby girl - "Cali."

It was a nice visit, but the baby was quit demanding: Change me. Feed me. Hold me. Grandma was very happy to help, and get that stroller out so Cali could take a walk around Verona Lake.

Before they all left I got the old Kodak Brownie 127 out and clicked a couple of pictures for the gang up in Jersey and Manhattan. Hope they like them.

VOLUNTEER RESIDENTS SELLING TICKETS FOR PANCAKE BENEFIT

V.W. Resident was scooting around on his high speed golf cart Saturday, and found these two young volunteers selling tickets for the E. Naples Fire Dept. fund raiser. The benefit last year was a huge success for Angel Flight Charity, and it is hoped that there will be a big turnout this year to help our fire fighters.

The ladies seemed to enjoy their "tour of duty." They even offered candy to entice ticket purchasers. They even gave me one.

Job Well done Ladies !!!